Random Thoughts and Feelings

Where i write things to stupid to put in my diary

Hero of war

Hero of war

But what does he fight for

Screaming and kicking

His life just ticking

He’s fighting for you

But you have no clue

You’re living in peace

A live lubricated with grease

While he fights for his life

Not being able to see his wife

He cries himself to sleep

And even his dreams make him weep

He wakes to the sound of gun fire

Only to see the devil with evil desire

So he grabs his gun

Knowing this won’t be fun

And runs back onto the battlefield to keep score

Not knowing if he’ll ever return to the place he says he’ll die for

Dark abyss

I’m plunged deep into depression, where gravity is the powerfulest energy that forces you down; feelings of regret and sadness grow ever so stronger as you go deeper and deeper into this abyss of self loving. Until you hit the bottom, once there your body is crushed with all of your doubt and insecurity, until the floor beneath you breaks and a new sky is revealed for you to fall once more. This depression is a cycle that tests your will power, a place where only the strong break free from its grasp and the weak die before ever seeing the sun rise. So I ask myself as I fall, am I strong, or am I weak?

As I

As I


As I walk, I see a gate
As I walk, I see smoke, that clouds my eyes
As I walk, I see a men with guns
As I walk, I hear the screams of men, women, children
As I walk, I cletch my mothers hand
As I walk, I feel my mothers tears that fall down apon me


As I stand, My mother holds me close
As I stand, I look at my family. My father, My sister, My brother.
As I stand, I look at them confused.
As I stand, I ask why are you crying, I’m told to stay quiet
As I stand, My mother whispers in my ear. (run with your father)
As I stand, I look up at my mother, her face filled with tears, she pushes me back into my father and steps forward to a man.
As I stand, I look toward my mother.
As I stand, I hear my mother yell RUN!

As I run, I hear gun shots
As I run, I don’t see my mother
As I run, I hear dogs barking
As I run, I look around and see my family, My father, My sister, My brother
As I run, I hear my sister scream. My father tells me to not look
As I run, I hear my brothers screams. My father tells me to not look back
As I run, I hear my fathers screams. I look back and no ones their
As I run, I run alone.



As I stand, I look around
As I stand, I see a dog house


As I hide, I hear footsteps
As I hide, I see dogs
As I hide, I feel scared
As I hide, I hide alone, and frightened
As I hide, I hear them coming closer
As I hide, I see two men walking toward me
As I hide, I am caught

As I squirm, I hear them talking in German
As I squirm, I hear gun shots
As I squirm, I fell a pain in my side
As I Squirm, I’m dropped to the floor

As I lay their, I wounder……why

bored and wrote something

time and time again, i think about the past of when we were togther.

the world was noisy, time flowed, and all i could think about was the future. me and you, no one else. but that ended  the moment you turned your back on me and left. 

now i sit here and wonder, wonder of what i did wrong, what i could of done to deserve this fate. to sit here for all of time, and never move. cause moving will  cause my heart to beat again.

if it beats, it will feel, and if it feels it will feel the blow you dealt it on that terrible day.

but i will move, cause staying here will not let time move on, it will not let me heal. it will not let me live.

so i move, i move with courage, and hope that what ever lies ahead is more than what im leaving behind. 

lols 

lols 

Drawing

I want to draw, I want to create characters and see them come to life. Sadly I cant draw, and every time I want to improve myself I cant cause I dont have paper or pencils. Drawing on the computer is not an option cause drawing with a mouse is the hardest thing you can try to do.

Now your probably wounder why I’m complaining about this, well im not…I am. but This is just an example of things I want to do, but dont because of some half ass excuse. (pretty good one if you ask me) So now im going to make a list. of things i want to do. Something similar to a bucket list, but instead of me dying at the end of it, it will be like me turning another age. or something. What are the things i wanted to do before i turn 18. before my childhood is gone forever. I mean i can always do it after i turn 18 but it wont be the same. The goverment labeled you turning an adult at 18. so doing anything child-ish is not really the same after that. is it still fun and stupid yes. but thats not the point. I only have a couple months before i turn 18. How long will this take me who knows. will i record all these things. who knows. if i have a camrea yes…yes i will XD. but yeah what will consest of this list….who knows 

Chat roulette

So i went on chat roulette, lets just say what they say about it is true. It started out with some normal people. Just staring into there cam. Not knowing what to do with there lives, like me. But then as if out of no where something popped up on the screen. Out of shock or disbelief i didnt know what it was and starred back at it to try and figure out what it was. took me 10 secs. >_> the most awkwardest ten seconds of my life. and clicked next right away.

why do people do this? Its really nasty, them doing private business on the web for alot (ALOT) of people to see. but all in all, i laughed afterwards. i mean it was funny. I will have to have my friends with me the next time i do it. Its just so funny.

I wanted to keep this blog nice and short, i havnt been on tumlbr alot. and i want to make more blogs. :/ even if no one reads them. but yeah. More blogs to come. I at least want to do 2 a day or 4 a week :/

The holidays

So i found this on my desk top and it never was posted so sorry for this being mega late but i thought i should share this 

Oh the holidays, such a great time of the year,…… no its not. Its full of stress despair and regret. Yes if you did not know by now i dont really like the holidays. Buying random and unthoughtful gifts for the loved ones who will probably go bring it back to the store to get money.Doesnt really strike me as Fun!.

But hey those arnt the only reason why i dont like the holidays, and let me just tell you some of those reasons.

1: Most of the music is sad, depressing, or down right evil o.o

Like have you listened to most music that is played, they play it over and over again and to me that gets annoying, But lets go threw a few to see what is so evil about them.

Grandma got ran over by a raindeer:

O.o grandmas dead?

He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when your awake:

What the fuck, stalker much. I mean is this guy watching over us at ALL times, cause if he is then he has seen a side of me that i wish no one saw. I mean Shit gets rated X up in my room late night. Yeah you dudes know what im talking about, bring a hot sexy chick into my room, put some slow music on to set the mood and….well actually im lieing, well the chick part » shit gets rated X with me and my hand that i named Lola. » Dont judge

Frosty the snowman:

he melts and dies at the end :/

Well not all holiday songs are evil and demented, but most are ;)

2: we move onto gifts and such

Now moving on to the present giving, people drive themselfs crazy trying to get the perfect girft for someone when they know that money is so much better, expescially when you get deals after the holidays. and im sorry to whome ever gave someone socks for a present but i will shoot the next person to give me clothes, like dam man was buying a gift that hard or were you just that cheap.

3: stress

Also that this is the most stressful time of the year, people want things to go perfect and have a dream holiday when most people know thats not gonna happen, and this rule doesnt apply to every one, just the people planing things. I love how people want to make the dream holiday when what people really want is just to spend time with there loved ones, but for some reason even that is such a big deal

4: I’m just the type of person who doesnt like to celebrate things and buying a gift for me is the worst thing you can do, most likly i wont like it but ill have to put on a fake face  and say i like you, youll smile back but you know im lieing

ok number 4 doesnt apply to anyone else but me, or does it o.o?

5: loved ones

If your like me you have a special someone who is away and you cant see them, it hurts inside not being able to see them, but you can buy a gift for them. Unless your poor and cant afford the shipping.

well thats it, well i really dont want to spend much time on this cause well i guess this is just a rant about why I dont like it (tries to make the I stand out)

so if your still with me, leave me a msg telling me why im wrong, or why you dont like this time of the year.

Girlfriends

so someone asked me to write about this topic.

girlfriends sigh i dont have one and i dont really need one. i dont want a relationship right now because of many reason.

1) im broke. I know i dont have to do it, but i would like to take my lady out to something nice to eat. or buy her presents on holidays. I just cant do that

2) ive been told im a sarcastic, ass hole. which just makes it harder to find a girl or keep one :/.

3) my family…nuff said :/

all these reason tell me to not have a girlfriend or even allow me to have one.  Although i also think girlfriends if you dont pick the right one, can cuase abnormal stress that make us men do weird shit. You know the weird shit im talking about. I’ma just leave it at that and dont bring up some unwanted memories into this.

(Hey tails can you help me get this tampon out) >_> (taking from life experience)

on the other hand girlfriends can be a awesome thing for a teen.

1) a reason to wake up in the morning and take a shower. wear clean clothes and take good care of themselves

2) stop being a sarcastic asshole >_>

3) well….gives you an image to do naughty things at night….you know what im talking about

so this blog got off topic…. more or less :/. but girlfriends come with to many up and downs for me right now. so not having (of my choice….or its not my choice) is what im going with right now.

So i guess my mom and dajay got into a fight. I dont know what it was about and i dont really care. i was rudly awakened and now i have to take care of a baby. Why? I was told not to have sex because she (my mom) doesnt want me to have one. So why must i feel like i have one? Is it for learning?

bad morning >_>  

People asking me to do something

So I haven’t blogged in awhile and I decided to make the next blog I make something about the thing i do most and that is duel and because someone asked me to. Sadly this isnt the post about that :D. This post is about people asking me to do things. Most people know this about me but I will do pretty much anything they ask. 

oddly I feel compelled to do things for people out of the need to be liked. I know I dont want to be liked by everyone but sadly I do it anyway. 

cant charge my phone

I lost my charger and havnt been able to input things into my diary or actually call/txt people

its nerve racking and I’m just now realizing I’m addicted to technology o.o